I had lost my first patient from suicide in the first year of my appointment to my current Consultant Position in 2006. This was an extremely traumatic experience as it had not been foreseen and traditional risk assessment indicators had categorised the risk as low. In dealing with the subsequent inquiry, I became very depressed. Having been actively involved in suicide /self-harm research, I left this for over 8 years. It was only on attending your conference and subsequent training that I realised that this type of ‘disenfranchised grief’ did not fit the ‘normal’ profile of grief and that it was common to experience feelings of inadequacy and loss for many years.